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Class ?? A 3 $~S 

Book ftl.'Hl . 

Copyright N° 



COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 




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Pex-axd-Ixk Sketch by Dr. McClixtock of Earl of Leicester's House ix Warwick, 

Now Used as a Hospital. 




Kansas Surgeon 



Karlsbad 




By* 
Dr. J. C. McClintock 



Topeka : 

Crane CS, Company^ 

1910 






^*> 



Copyright 1910 

By Dr. J. C. McClintock 

Topeka Kansas 



&-CLA2782G7 



Printed for private distribution to 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad. 



S. S. Canada, June 19, 1909. 

Just a week since I came on board 
this vessel. Trip has been dull, with 
a foggy or overcast sky, all the time. 
The sun could penetrate the clouds 
this afternoon, part of the time. The 
sea has been smooth, comparatively 
— a swell one day, but most of the 
time only choppy. 

We booked our passage from 
Montreal on the " Canada' ' of the 
White Star Dominion Line, for the 
evening of June 12th. 

Frances and I went on to Mont- 
real a day ahead, to see that the 
track was clear, the boat in good con- 
dition, and to take a look at the city. 
Left Mother, the three other daugh- 

[Page 7 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

ters, two grandsons and niece, to 
follow along next day — didn't like 




Dr. McClintock and Family on Board Ship. All 
Present Except Jake Mohler. 



to travel with such a crowd. Looked 
too much like the whole family going 
to take the children to the circus. 



Page S] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

Came on board the evening of 
June 1 2th. Awoke next morning to 
find ourselves steaming smoothly 



^^km 



_____ . . ...... '•■ ■■■; : 



First View of Land. — Ireland. 

down between the green banks of the 
St. Lawrence river. Stopped at Que- 
bec that afternoon and went ashore 

[Page 9 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

to investigate matters. The Cana- 
dian ports and " foreigners ' ' both 
looked good. 

Twice before, we sailed from New 
York, so it hardly seemed like going 
to Europe this way. Both the river 
and the ocean were so smooth and 
the boat so steady that we could al- 
most fool ourselves into thinking we 
were taking a trip down the Kaw. 
The managers of the boat and the 
passengers (most all English) con- 
vinced us that we were bound for 
foreign parts. 

Nearly the entire trip was made in 
thick fog and the fog-horns worked 
overtime. Sometimes we had to go 
at half speed — or stop entirely — in 
order not to climb any of the ice- 
bergs that were crowding around us. 
The first trips of the season are made 

Page 10} 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

via Cape Race, the southern and 
longer route, to avoid the big bunches 
of ice ; and sometime in July they 




Captain Jones and Assistant Captain Mohlee of 
the S. S. Canada. 



start on the northern route. But in 
order to afford a little excitement for 
the passengers, a few thoughtful 



[Page 11 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

bergs slid down for inspection. When 
someone noticed a slight frost he 
gave the word and we all took our 
spy-glasses and told how many bears 
we saw on each berg. 

Every one on board told every one 
else his summer's itinerary — just 
where he was going and what he was 
going to see there. 

The beauty of our trip is that we 
have no plans at all. I told the 
family we were going to spend the 
summer in Liverpool, and they did 
not all seem entirely satisfied. It's 
hard to please a lot of women. 



Page 12] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 




A Street Scene in Chester. 
Note the double row of shops, with a sidewalk on the 
second story extending from one street to another. 

Chester, June 22, 1909. 

One day in England. Enough. 
Ready to go home. 

Small-pox broke out in the second 
cabin, and the ship sailed in, flying 



[Page 13 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

the yellow flag. Health officers 
b>oarded us Saturday night in the 
Irish Channel, and there was doubt 
as to whether we would be allowed 
to land or be sent to quarantine 
station and given "three weeks/' 

Arrived at Liverpool, 3 a. m., Mon- 
day. Called out at five o'clock — 
stood on one foot, then on the other 
— children cross — old folks crosser. 

It was decided that first-class pas- 
sengers should land, which we did 
at 9:30 and took 10:15 train for 
Chester. 

We are taking the same trip to 
London which we have taken before 
— 1892 for ourselves, in 1902 for 
Helen, and now for the other 
"younguns." 

This has certainly been a strenuous 
day. I am cold, stiff and tired. It's 

Page 14] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



raining, and this hotel is cold and 
damp — but so is every other house 
in Europe. There is one curious 




Shakespeare Memorial Theatre, Stratford-ox-Avox. 

thing in this room : at one end there 
is a little, one-lunged steam radiator. 
I am wondering what it is for. I 



[Page 15 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

think it is perfectly innocent of ever 
having had steam in it, even for 
the plumber's test. 

And how my sciatic nerves do 
ache! And just look at that last spot 
where Kiene gave me that hypoder- 
matic injection of quinine! It has 
"riz" and the ship's doctor looked 
too dirty to open it — and I can't see 
it. But I don't think it will need 
opening very long, for some day, in a 
fit of forgetfulness, I will sit down on 
it and then I will not need to write 
about it — you will hear me "holler." 
In fact, if you look back a page or 
two, you will see that I am "holler- 
ing" now. But cheer up — the worst 
is yet to come. 

We had a good voyage — vessel 
was steady — almost no seasickness. 

We will get to London by the end 

Page 16] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



of the week, and stay there for some 
days — a week, probably — before w T e 
make another move. 



Page 17 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 




7 



Stratford-ox- Avon. 



London, June 25, 1909. 

Mother is out looking for a stop- 
ping place. Hope she finds one, as I 
am tired of living in a valise. 

The girls took a cab and got the 
mail, but they forgot to ask for tele- 
grams or cables. 

Page 18] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

Have not taken any quinine since 
I left home, and do not see that I 
need it. Have some days of feeling 
nervous, as I did today. I just did 
not want anyone to look at me or 
speak to me. I will surely kill the 
first Englishman that crosses my 
path ; the only reason that I did not 
kill one today was that he stepped 
back — did not cross. 

I find myself with my teeth ground 
together, with a toe bored through 
the floor, then come down and 
wonder why I did not scream. 

I sure wish I were home. 



[Page 19 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



London, June 30, 1909. 

I have been to see Sir Patrick 
Manson. He does not insist on my 
going to Harrowgate. I prefer to go 
to Karlsbad as you ordered ; and 
he does not object, but says England 
is good enough. 

I will get tickets to Nuremberg, 
which we will reach in nine days after 
starting Saturday night. Our first 
stop will be Holland — The Hague, 
then Amsterdam, etc., and back to 
Cologne, up the Rhine to Mayence, 
thence Frankfort to Nuremberg. The 
family quits me there and goes on to 
Lucerne via Basel, whilst I go to 
Karlsbad and see if I can worry down 
a dose of Spriidel. I know that I will 
never try a second drink of the 
stuff. 

Page 20] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

Had everything packed in my bag 
but my vest. I took the one I found 
to the tailor and told him to build it 




Oxe of the Most Delightful Views I Saw in 
Holland. 

up to my size or cut it down to my 
grandson's size. It was one that I 
had made in 1892 in east London, 



\Page 21 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

when I weighed 145 pounds. It came 
home last night with a five-inch 




The Only Wagons I Saw in a Day's Ride in Hol- 
land. All Travel is by Water. 



gusset in each side, from the arm- 
hole down — quite a respectable fit, 
but a little passe in style. I had 



Page 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



bought a white dress vest, so I did 
not suffer. We have to dress each 
evening here for dinner, and had to 
dress on the boat for the concert and 
once or twice for dinner. 

I am feeling lots better since I got 
here — not nervous as I was — only 
the headache, and that is off today 
for the first time in a week. 

I hate to leave here just now, for 
on Monday, American Ambassador 
Whitelaw Reid gives a reception to 
Americans, and on Wednesday I 
have an invitation to a two-guinea 
dinner — free, gratis, for nothing, and 
won't cost me a cent. Wouldn't that 
be a great dinner at the Hotel Cecil ? 
I could eat enough at that " hand- 
out" to keep Karlsbad busy for a 
month. 



[Page 23 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 




Street Scene ix Karlsbad. 

Karlsbad, July 9, 1909. 

"Not a sole" speaks English here. 

When I was over here before I only 

knew one word of German, and found 

that I did not need that. Now I have 



Page 24} 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

six or seven " Dutch' ' words, and you 
ought to hear me use them. I keep 
on using them over and over until a 
great light breaks in on them — until 
one fellow breaks out in a "laff. M 
He knows w T hat I want more from my 
signs than from the words. He tells 
the others and they all "laff, M but 
then they come through with what I 
want and there is great rejoicing — 
another distribution of silver coin 
and all is well. But just about this 
time I break out around the mouth 
again and another consultation sits 
•on me. I stayed over-night at Frank- 
fort on the Main. Slept under a 
feather-bed — no, I took it off, but 
took cold without cover, so got up 
before morning and got it again. 
Last night I had another feather-bed 
here. I kept it on until two o'clock, 

[Page 25 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

when I was sweating so much that I 
took it off, but the nights are so cold 
up here in the mountains that I had 
to call it back. I am going to have 
some blankets tonight if I have to 
' ' raise less corn and more hell ' ' to 
get them. 

I brought the folks over to The 
Hague and went around on the canals 
in Holland, then to Amsterdam. Got 
two carriages and a guide for that 
town, and the next day cut the string. 
I was so anxious to get under treat- 
ment. 

I really think this will do me good. 
It's the only thing that I have had 
any faith in. I will give it a try for 
three or four weeks. 

I don't quite like the looks of this 
girl here. She is built on "agricul- 
tural lines." 

Page 26] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 




Windmills Meet You Everywhere in Holland. 

Mother used her French in Hol- 
land as much as I use my "Dutch" 
here, but she was not so successful. 

Gertrude knows quite a little Ger- 
man as well as French and Italian. 
We tried to get on a street car in 



[Page 27 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

Haag (you see they have fifty dif- 
ferent ways of spelling The Hague), 
to go out to the bathing, where they 




Sunday in Holland. 



have the funny covered chairs and 
the bath-wagons that a horse pulls 
out into the North Sea. You will 



Page 28} 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

remember the pictures at Scheven- 
ingen. Well, two or three conductors 
turned us down. At last Gertrude 
said she was going to talk "Dutch" 
to the next one and she got on, and 
we followed, pushing — and the con- 
ductor talking and pushing us off — 
and Gertrude talking "Dutch" to 
beat the band. Finally the con- 
ductor took her by the shoulders and 
said : "See here now ; you can talk 
English and I know T it, and you can 
understand English. Now you get 
off this car and take the same num- 
bered car going in the opposite di- 
rection. ' ' We were turned around in 
that town and thought that Scheven- 
ingen was in the other direction, and 
we did not get straight until that 
conductor broke out in as good 
English as you would hear in Kansas, 

[Page 29' 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

and a hundred times better than you 
would "hever 'ear hin Lonnon." 
The family is probably in Cologne 




Hans, Rear Elevation. 

today, or on the Rhine going to 
Mayence, and from there to Nurem- 
berg, then to Lucerne, where they 
expect to await Jake. 

Page 30] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 




A Carriage in Karlsbad. The Occupant Alight- 
ing from the Rear. 



Karlsbad, July n, 1909. 
I got this girl in here and showed 
her this bed with its feather-bed 
cover, and that, when the feather- 
bed was off, it had only a sheet and a 



[Page 31 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

peek-a-boo coverlet ; and I shivered 
and showed her how cold I was, and 
that I wanted more blankets. I bore 
down so hard that she went off prom- 
ising to get more covers. She took 
another girl with her up town and 
they came back puffing, bringing an- 
other d — d feather-bed to put over 
me. Then I did "raise less corn." 
I not only reduced the percentage 
per acre, but I cut down the acreage 
fully half. I "roused mit urn" and I 
"roused" the feather-bed too. I 
showed them a blanket down the 
hall, and before night I had two good 
Pullman car blankets with big white 
buttons sewed on them and sheets 
folded around them and buttoned to 
them. 

And these door-handles ! No door- 
knobs in this country — not one- 

Page 32] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

They are great big levers, and you 
bear down on them and they open 
the latch. A round door-knob would 
make them say we w r ere crazy — how 
then could you open the door with 
soapy hands? And they are dead 
right. 

This town burned down com- 
pletely two or three times. How it 
took fire I don't know. The Spriidel 
must have gotten too hot, for there 
is not a fire in this town for it to 
start from. I did see one of those 
great big, ceiling-high, porcelain 
stoves that I have told you about. I 
went in the house and felt of it, but 
it was cold. It was about four feet 
by five feet, by eight feet high. It 
was connected with a flue, and at, or 
toward, the bottom on one side, I 
found a little fire-box, about eight 

[Page 33 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

inches square, in which they put a 
little piece of lighted charcoal — that 
is, theoretically they put in a piece 
of charcoal ; practically, they save 
the piece of charcoal for the next 
year. Next year may be real cold 
and they might actually need that 
charcoal. See? 

And this cabinet containing an ele- 
gant piece of brown crockery ware 
with a blue stripe around the bulge, 
that they wheel up to your bed at 
night ? It certainly does smell strong. 
No wonder they open the window of 
your room — for there is only one 
window. 

And the wardrobe in the front 
corner of your room — only a foot 
square and eight feet high, and only 
big enough to set one pair of shoes 
in the bottom and hang a raincoat 

Page 84] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

on the single hook. It's the first one 
I have seen, and I open it to get my 
coat so I can go out — coat and shoes 
are gone, and me sitting in my room! 
Another little door opening out of 
the wardrobe into the hall tells the 
story. That's the way they get your 
boots to shine and your clothes to 
press. And you should see me chas- 
ing down to get that coat, for it's 
all I've got. I left two overcoats in 
London — like the "blarsted idiot" 
that I am. This is the first time they 
have worked the "panel game" on 
me. 

I get up every morning at five 
o'clock — yes, that's the truth — and 
I get my white porcelain Karlsbad 
cup and strap it over my shoulder, 
and start out for my Spriidel. I get 
in line with about fifty thousand 

[Page 35 



A Kansas Surgeon tn Karlsbad 

other idiots, and get up to the trough 
when my turn comes. It is mighty 
slow dealing it out — three girls do 
it. One takes your cup and puts it 
in a holder, the next girl takes the 
holder and holds it toward the gusher 
and hopes that enough water falls to 
fill your cup. It may, or a big gob 
knocks it all out. Maybe you win ; 
maybe you lose. Then the other girl 
gets the cup out of the holder for 
you. Then, if you are an American, 
you wonder why three girls can't 
handle three cups, or, if you are 
really an American, you wonder why 
they don't pipe it around the room 
so you can all get your drinks at 
once. But this is the way they 
started doing it and this is the way it 
will always be done. 

There are about fifty thousand 

Page 86} 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

people here drinking the water — each 
with a cup strapped to himself. 
Don't I look foolish with a cup tied 
to me? I don't look half so foolish 
as I feel, but I have the habit now. 
I go up with great gusto. I go to it 
with as much pleasure as a dog to 
his vomit. They all tell me to take it 
in little sips. It takes about fifteen 
minutes to drink each glass. They all 
tell me that I should not eat break- 
fast for an hour after taking the last 
of the water. I wonder why they tell 
me that? It is an unnecessary in- 
junction, as I am otherwise engaged 
at that hour. I am like Old Jerry, 
sitting out all night on the hillside 
with the snow blowing under him, 
"hollering" "Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord! 
The fact is I haven't time to eat 
breakfast, sah." "It" is located just 

[Page 37 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

two doors from my room. There is 
only one chance in it — except that 
next door is one marked "Fur Da- 
men," and if none of "dose dames' ' 
is occupying it, it's mine in a case of 
11 compushency . ' 9 



Page 88] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 





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1 







A Bath Carriage in Karlsbad. 

Karlsbad, July 12, 1909. 
I am glad to get a word from you. 
It was only a word, but it showed 
that you could still write. Some day 
you will come out of your "Jeckyl- 
Hyde M state and get into your 



[Page 39 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

4 'Alexander Dumas" condition and 
write me a letter that will break me 
to pay the postage due or the excess 
baggage tariff. 

While I was in the dining-room 
tonight the postman brought your 
cable to my table. A few minutes 
later an officer of the Government 
approached, saluted and presented 
me with the compliments of the 
State, the freedom of the baths and a 
polite letter — that I know the oldest 
41 Dutchman' ' can't read — all bound 
in morocco and stamped in gold with 
my name, etc. I sure thought he was 
the High Sheriff of Geary County 
(the sheriff of Geary county was the 
last man that arrested me) when I 
saw him coming at me. 

I wonder if I can stand for this 
durned Sprudel business? I have 

Page Ifi\ 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

taken three tumblerfuls. I thought 
I would surely puke on the first glass. 
The puking was a reality on the 
second, but I hung on to the next one. 

And walk ! I have walked my legs 
down about eighteen inches. If I 
keep it up I will have to ask the 
Burgomaster to have the nail-heads 
driven down in the sidewalks. 

The diet? They allow you soft- 
boiled eggs. They were soft. They 
were as soft as those I had when I 
visited old "Dutch" Mrs. Kron- 
tiber in Ohio, when I was a boy. I 
objected to the eggs not being done 
enough, and she told me that they 
were "done enough to eat raw" I 
found an old sitting hen on a nest and 
told her about it. She gathered the 
eggs and took them to town and sold 
them. I told her they were not in a 

[Page 41 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

salable condition after the hen had 
been sitting on them all summer. 
She said, "Der not hatched yet/' 
Well, these eggs remind me of Mrs. 
Kronuber's underdone and overstale 
eggs. I break the shell and look in 
to see what I can see around the 
germinal spot — and look and think, 
and wonder if I can swallow one. 
You know that I have done a good 
many mighty mean things as I've 
passed along this vale of tears, but 
I'll be doggoned if you ever caught 
me sucking eggs. 

And I am to have an occasional 
taste of veal. I know it will be 
"slunk" veal. 

And that bath! I have been here 
two days and the bath is in the 
future. How can I walk up to it? 
They will surely have to blindfold 

Page 42] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

me to get me in there. Do you re- 
member that bath I took when I was 
a medical student in Chicago ? Every- 
man in school took turns lecturing 
on baths, bathing, cold baths in the 
morning, and all that. You remem- 
ber how cold that bath-room was — 
middle of January — how cold the 
water was. Can you still see that tub 
nearly full and me naked and shiver- 
ing and studying and finally getting 
spread out on the tub, one hand on 
each side and one foot on each 
corner, face up-^-then the sudden 
letting go, the splash, the war-whoop, 
the — well, you will have to tell the 
rest of this story, but I haven't 
hankered after any more baths. 

This is the warmest day I have 
seen since I left* home — thermometer 
70 . All the tourists report constant 

[Page 43 



A Kansas Surgeon in Uarlsbad 

rain ; one party said they did not 
get outside the hotel door for three 
weeks on account of rain. We have 
missed most of it — a little rain, but 
none to "skeer" us. 

I have my New York shoes in dry- 
dock for the man to "ausbessern." 

You know that hat Mr. Toms 
gave me? He said it was a crush 
hat. That is right! It crushed all 
right. When I opened my trunk 
these old shoes hadn't done much to 
it, but enough, plenty. 



-Page 44] 



.4 Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



Karlsbad, July 16, 1909. 

This is the day Jacob is to sail. I 
certainly hope he has a good voyage. 
If he is to return in six weeks he won't 
have any time here. It will take him 
two weeks to get to Lucerne and two 
weeks to get home, leaving him only 
two weeks here. He can certainly 
write on his slate, "Gone to Europe 
— back in five minutes." 

You know he is coming on the 
steamship "Mauretania," the fastest 
boat in the world. A four-day boat. 
What does that four days mean? 
Four days, seventeen hours, from 
Sandy Hook to Queenstown, another 
day to Liverpool, getting there too 
late to land until next day — a week 
gone. One day in Chester, one day 
in Oxford, two days in London, one 

[Page 4$' 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

day in Cologne, one day on the 
Rhine, and another day or two in 
Lucerne. There is your two weeks 
instead of four days. Mother was in 
Nuremberg with the family yester- 
day. I wrote her to come up and see 
me, but she did not come. I suppose 
they are in Heidelberg tonight — be 
there tomorrow, next day in Strass- 
burg, Saturday in Lucerne, where 
they stop and where Jake gets them. 
You remember the fortune-teller 
who predicted that I would get 
married again, and, after the age of 
eighty, would raise three children, 
including one pair of twins ? He also 
predicted that I would be run over 
by horses, July 15th, and here I have 
not done him the honor to remember 
his day until this noon, when I got 
a letter, dated two or three days ago, 

Page 46] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

warning me of yesterday the fifteenth 
of July. The warning came too late. 
I had forgotten to look for the day — 
in fact, I was too sick to think. Had 
the ' 'bust -head' ' good and plenty. It 
is almost gone today — only sore 
down in the back of the head and 
neck. 

I was out on the street yesterday 
a couple of times, but did not run 
over any horses or automobiles. 
Don't see how I can ever raise those 
twins. 

And they tell a "feller" here not 
to drink any "bug-juice" or "scor- 
pion extract." Mein Gott in Himmel! 
How do they expect a man to get in 
any "tarantula juice" when they 
start him out in the morning at five 
o'clock and begin to run this 
"blarsted belly-wash" into him 
through a funnel? 

[Page 47 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



Karlsbad, July 21, 1909. 

We Americans don't have the least 
idea of our extreme ignorance until 
we get here and take a survey. For 
instance, we just go and turn on the 
electric light when it begins to get 
dark. We don't know any better. 
Here you are notified to turn it on 
(if you must have light) at 7:55. 
Suppose you get cute and turn it on 
at 7 : 54 ? Well, you will find it in the 
bill all right. They don't tell you 
when to turn it off. They do that at 
the office all right, all right, all 
right. 

If the police watch W. A. White 
any closer than they do me they 
must be hot on his trail. They knew 
all about me at Egar, the border 
town where I crossed from Bavaria 

Page 48] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

into Austria. I had not been in this 
town twenty minutes before they 
made me sign a certificate, giving 
name, residence, occupation, my busi- 
ness here, and length of time to stay. 
I signed that I was to stay one day 
unless advised by doctor to stay for 
treatment. A man cannot get a room 
or bed to stay overnight without con- 
sent of the police. If I had said I 
was here to stay three weeks, I could 
not have have changed my rooming- 
house without paying three weeks 
rent. I did change places next morn- 
ing, for the landlady beat me out of 
one krone (twenty cents). If she 
had beaten me out of a hundred dol- 
lars that would have been all right. 
But twenty cents ! ! ! You know how 
contemptible that woman looked to 
me. I packed my grip and got down 

[Page 49 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

to Hotel Post in about one minute, 
signed up for three weeks, and here 
I am. But I will have to stay longer 
than three weeks, for three weeks 
won't cure me. I've been here two 
weeks tomorrow, and I am not well 
yet. I am like old Bill Andy with the 
street medicine man rubbing lini- 
ment on his back. I'm saying, "I'm 
no better yet." Some day the police 
will come around and tell me to 
"take my two dollars and get down 
off the wagon and get out of town, for 
I'm hurting the business." But on 
the q. t. — right down on the dead — 
I am better. I've knocked on wood! 
And these wagons, now that you 
mention them. They have tongues 
in them instead of shafts. They are 
pretty nearly all "one-hoss" wagons. 
How do they hitch the "hoss" on 

Page 50] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

the tongue — do they straddle him 
over it ? No. They hitch him on one 
side ; then, in case they ever did 




This is the Horse Hitched on One Side of the 
Pole in Karlsbad. 



want to hitch on another "hoss, M 
"thar you ahrr" all ready. See? But 
usually it is not a "hoss" that is 



[Page 51 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



hitched on — it's a dog, and the old 
woman walks on the tother side and 
guides and helps. Sometimes it's a 
boy with the dog ; and now and then 
it's the old man himself. I saw a good 
one the other day. A big four- 
wheeled wagon pulled by two dogs, 
and in front of them was the old man 
hitched up, making a "spike-team," 
with a heavy load, pulling to beat 
the band ; and — you can believe it 
or not, just as you please, but it's 
the God's truth — the old woman was 
up on the tail-board of the wagon, 
riding, with a whip in her hand. I 
have not told Mother about it yet, 
for she would go home on the first 
boat. Mother has crossed the At- 
lantic seven times, and the only ob- 
ject in her coming so many times has 
been to see the old woman, hitched 

Page 62] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

up with the cow, pulling the plow, 
and the old man walking along the 
side whipping up the team. 

And these men all wear a rooster- 
feather in their hats, or a paint- 
brush sticking up in it, and not on the 
side, either — right straight up in the 
back of the hat. 

And I am the only man in Europe 
wearing spectacles. The only reason 
that I don't wear my eyeglasses is 
that they won't stick on my nose and 
are some trouble, while spectacles 
will stay on without watching them. 

And the river as it runs through the 
town ! Its banks are walled straight 
up, and the bed of the river is 
timbered with heavy timbers and the 
spaces filled with stone and hy- 
draulic cement ; and men wade in 
it, with long-handled steel brushes, 

[Page 53 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

and scrub it ; and I won't take that 
back either. 

And these telephones! Two re- 
ceivers on paddle-like handles, and 
you hold a paddle to each ear. It 
sure does help. 



Page 54 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



Karlsbad, July 25, 1909. 

Edward VII. has just completed 
his bath and is ready to be rubbed 
down. He is taking his "cure" at 
Marienbad, twelve miles south of 
here — but the mud is the same. 

I think that I am better here. My 
chills are cured and I don't have 
much headache — only a slight one 
in a week. But I must stay longer. 

Your letters of 8th and 10th came 
this afternoon, saying Jake had 
started. He will be in Lucerne with 
the family this evening, so he gets 
here the same time as the letter, even 
though he stopped some time in 
England. I suppose he caught the 
fast boat whilst your letters got a 
slow one. 

The time bothered me a little at 

[Page 55 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

first. They have a way-up concert 
here in the evening at dinner-time, 
in the hotel, about four times a week. 
I don't care to go down and get in the 
crowd — besides, the doctor told me 
to have a light supper and have it 
early. So I went down and read the 
announcement of the concert to see 
the time it began. It was marked to 
begin at " J8 Uhr. ' ' Well, I knew how 
these "Dutch" put the small num- 
ber first — as " five-and-twenty M for 
twenty-five — so I saw that was 8 and 
\ o'clock. I went down at 7: 30 and 
lit right in it ; that was \ hour before 
8 — any fool but an American could 
have seen that. Then I got my bath 
reserved for a quarter of ten. I 
looked at the ticket to be sure it was 
right and it was marked "|io Uhr." 
That looked good, and at a quarter 

Page 56] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

to ten I went in for my bath and they 
told me that I was too late — had 
lost my turn by half an hour. One 
quarter before ten ("lio") is 9:15; 
two quarters before ten ("fio") is 
9:30; three quarters before ten 
"fio") is 9:45. That's easy. 

You ask what I want to know 
about specially. I was anxious to 
know when the Topeka Base Ball 
Club hit the cellar floor, and today is 
the first time I've heard a word, ex- 
cept that in one letter you said that 
" Topeka and Sioux City had played 
a 5 to 2 score game." I was glad to 
know it was not a tie, and I hoped 
that one side or the other got the 
big end of the score. 

I have not eaten a meal in the din- 
ing-room since I have been here. If 
the weather is all right I eat out in 

[Page 57 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

the garden ; if it rains I eat on the 
veranda. I've not had my hat off 
at a meal since I've been in this town.. 
I don't have to dress for meals, so 
that kind of a hotel suits me. I had 
supposed that when Mother came 
she would want to go to the dining- 
room, but she never mentioned it. 
I don't believe that she knows they 
have a dining-room. She came up 
here from Lucerne, Wednesday after- 
noon, and stayed until Saturday 
noon. She will get back to Lucerne 
tonight about the same time Jake 
gets there from London. She and 
the children got the notion that I 
was sick, and she came on that ac- 
count. She traveled all night, and 
you know a person cannot travel at 
night in this country. I made her go 
from here to Munich and stay OVer- 
Pagre 58] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

night there, then take the day train 
from there the next morning and 
travel today. 

Did the folks tell you about John 
Mohler's watch that I bought for 
him in London ? — a gun-metal watch, 
cost $1.75. Pretty good watch ; will 
often run for six or seven hours at a 
stretch. Well, I saw a real pretty 
little dumb watch, with pearl back 
and gold-plated case, and I bought 
it for James Mohler. I gave it to 
him and told him ' ' it was for James/ ' 
He smiled, took it, put it to his ear — 
1 1 nuthin doin. ' ' He tried it again and 
again. It was hard to believe that 
his grandfather would do him such 
a dirty trick, but it was a fact. He 
listened to it again, then threw it 
clear across the room. 

I have been here so long that I am 

[Page 59 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

going to attend the next Old Settlers' 
meeting. It looks as though I am to 
stay. 

I do not take any soured milk ; it 
is not on the diet list. There are some 
places where they furnish it, but all 
are so filthy that I cannot try it. I 
take the regulation Karlsbad diet. 
That is composed bad enough, but 
all get the same except "diebet- 
ekers." 

The first day I got here I could not 
understand a word the waiter was 
saying. In the course of time he 
suggested ' ' schinken. ' ' That ' ' made 
a noise' ' like chicken, so I ordered 
some " schinken." It was cold ham! 
The next day I saw the doctor. He 
ordered cold " schinken," and I get 
it every day. Occasionally fish, zwei- 
bach, alkaline table-water, cold veal, 
and string beans. 

Page 60] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

The other morning I ordered fresh 
fish. They held a consultation and 
came back and asked me if I meant 
fresh fish. I said ' ' yes. ' ' Pretty soon 
a cook came out with his sleeves 
rolled up, to where I was sitting out 
in the garden by the fountain and 
pool. He looked in the pool a few 
minutes and made a dive and came 
up with my fish a-flopping. He 
butchered him, cleaned and cooked 
him, and I had fresh fish for break- 
fast. Now, durn you! This is a true 
story. 

When Mother came here a few 
days ago I told her about it. Of 
course she believed it ; it did not 
seem "fishy" to her at all — but just 
to make assurance doubly sure she 
got up and went to the pool to take 
a look, and there were the fish. We 

[Page 61 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

got the cook and picked out a couple 
of speckled trout and he nailed them, 
and we had fresh trout for breakfast. 
Suppose they must seine them. They 
are brought to the hotel every morn- 
ing and put into the pool, where 
they have a good time until the ex- 
ecutioner appears. I have sure got 
Mother for a witness for this story- 

My weight has come down some. 
Now you are thinking of that quarter 
of a pound that I lost in California, 
so I won't tell any more about 
it ; but I get a stamped ticket with 
date and weight stamped in it by 
the scales, and I don't need Mother 
for a witness for this story. I will 
just save the tickets and show you, 
you old "Missouri an." 

And my feet are sore and I am 
like M , stiff all over. I would 

Tage 62] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

think that I would get over this 
stiffness and soreness, but I don't. 
It feels like the stiffness of old age — - 
or more like a premature rigor- 
mortis. 

I go to the spring at five o'clock 
•every morning. Once in awhile I 
oversleep. I awoke this morning at 
5:30, so it was a quarter to six when 
I got to the spring. Then I sip the 
water until my belly is full, and 
about seven or seven-thirty I get 
back to the hotel. The water did 
not have enough cathartic effect last 
week, so the doctor corrected that 
by ordering some Karlsbad salts 
added to the first cup of water. It 
has also lost its diuretic effect, which 
at first was quite marked. 

At five o'clock in the morning 
there are only a few people about, 

[Page 63 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

and I have no difficulty in getting 
my cup of water in a few minutes. 
Later on, at six o'clock, I have to get 



Miami tn«w 




"' : - - ™^^~-»*™^ s * s '° ss *'* K, ~ * 


**m ^^^^^%^ v 1 


1 - - * ___ >r* 




V 

' e 1 

,-■ V _ 


&* JP B 



Polish Jews Drinking the Waters at Karlsbad. 

in the post-office file and take my 
turn to get my cup filled. And by 
seven o'clock that post-office file has 



Page 64] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

extended out back and forth in the 
Stadt Park — or the Colonnades if it 
is a rainy day — and by eight o'clock 
it is said that all the "cure" takers 
have arrived and are in line taking 
their turns. But I have not seen 
them at such a late hour. Long be- 
fore that time I have "beat it" down 
the road to the hotel — except this 
morning, when it beat me. I had to 
take to the tall timber, and I was 
mighty glad to find a tree big enough 
that I could call it timber. 

Some mornings I have gone back 
after nine o'clock for another dose 
of Spriidel, and at this hour the 
springs are deserted. Many come 
back in the afternoon from four to 
five o'clock, to drink the water again. 

I consulted Dr. Victor Griinberger, 
a University graduate and clinical 

[Page 65 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

professor, who gave me a careful ex- 
amination, and who has prescribed 
my diet, treatment, and mode of 
living, and to whom I am indebted 
for the cure I am getting. 

I believe that I have given the 
plan a fair trial and am going to 
keep it up for four or five weeks. I 
got here July 8th, and will probably 
stay until August 8th or ioth, but 
will not set a time. If it is going to 
do me good, as I think it is doing, I 
will not rush off. 



Page 66] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



Karlsbad, July 27, 1909. 

That " Alexander Dumas" has not 
broken loose yet. I am still listening 
— he will come through yet. 

I am sure better. There now! I've 
knocked on wood. It must be a week 
since I had a headache — except a 
slight one — and none at all for four 
or five days. I will soon begin to feel 
lonesome without it. It will be three 
weeks day after tomorrow that I've 
been here, and I am so encouraged 
that I am going to stay two weeks 
longer — if the police will let me. 

The crowd has thinned out very 
much the last week. Not half as 
many people here now as when I 
came. They say August is a good 
month, that September is light, and 
that they close October 1st. 

[Page 67 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

Well, I have put in another busy 
day writing letters. A dealer in cran- 
berries is a dull man in comparison. 
I did not have time to take my bath 
today. 

There is a great deal said here 
about Bleriot flying the British 
Channel, and I'll bet it has scared 
the " Englishers ' ' into waking up to 
the occasion. They have been asleep 
on the aviation business — they 
thought it was all moonshine about 
anybody ever being able to board 
their little tight old island through 
the air. It's a good thing for them 
that Napoleon is not here or "he'd 
git 'em." 

You would better do all the sur- 
gery you want to do this summer, for, 
if I feel as well when I get home as I 
do today, I will take that knife 

Page 68] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

away from you and go to it myself. 
I feel like a sixteen-year-old colt. 
That stiffness left me yesterday, and 
I am limber all over today. Tell 

M I am limber all over, just 

the same as he used to be. I can't 
make my feet just walk — they want 
to dance. They feel like they did 
when I used to dance the " Highland 
fling." 

I have been losing weight. I said 
that before, but I did not talk very 
brave, but I got weighed again today 
and the loss is counted in pounds — 
notice the plural. I've got the tickets 
yet. I'm saving all of them. 

Now I find that I am so busy that 
in future I will write no more letters 
to "you fellers." It is possible that 
I may issue a card announcing my 
flight from one town to another. 

[Page 69 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

The rest of my journey will be made 
via monoplane — so look out, and if 
you see something drop down and 
break into a million pieces in the 
middle of Sixth and Kansas avenues, 
that's me in my brand-new mono- 
plane. Dig me out. 



Page 70] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



Karlsbad, July 28, 1909. 

I was ready to get an aeroplane 
and start for home when your cable 
came, saying, "Stay there." 

I never had anyone boss me be- 
fore, but you have been bossing me 
good and plenty this summer. I did 
not suppose that I would take orders 
from anybody, but here I am taking 
them "as meek as Moses." 

You only put two cents postage on 
letters to Austria. That looks as if 
you are short on money to buy the 
other three cents worth of stamps. 
If you have only two cents, send 
them to England, then it is proper 
for England to forward here and 
collect the extra postage. But how 
this country does howl on anybody 
putting on only the minimum post- 
age! 

[Page 71 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

No, I don't want to go to Rome. 
I was there twice and could not en- 
thuse very much over its ruin — too 
big, I suppose. No, that's not it, 
but the ruin hid by being built over 
and lost to view. I would like to see 
Venice again. 

What I have in mind is to go from 
here to Prague and Vienna and spend 
some time in the clinics and hospitals 
and with the noted men in these 
places. From there I would to go 
Budapest, where the World's Medi- 
cal Congress is to be held this month, 
and then to Venice, where I join the 
family. 

And I have a cushion in the win- 
dow of my room to lean my elbows 
on. Every window in town has its 
full-length cushion, just like every 
window in The Hague has its mirror 

Page 72] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

hung out, so they can see up street 
and down street at the same time. 
It's great! I am going to put them 
in the windows when I get home, so 
I can see what is going on in the 
neighborhood. 



[Page 73 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



Karlsbad, July 29, 1909. 

I have had my twenty-one doses 
today. I came here this day (Thurs- 
day) three weeks ago, and have 
taken the three-weeks course with- 
out a miss. Strange to say — that is, 
for me to say — it "took." 

If it wasn't for your telegram of 
yesterday telling me to "hold my 
base" I would pack up today and 
move on to greener pastures. What 
in the devil is in that letter that I 
am to wait two weeks for? 

From what the doctor said Tues- 
day, he will probably cut down my 
dose of Spriidel, as it seems to have 
had too much effect. My own 
opinion is that this three-weeks 
"cure" is just about as good as one 
good bleeding would have been — 

Page 74] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

only there is more in it for the 
natives this way. 

I enclose you my photo — " before 
and after" — also a snap-shot of my 
"mash." 



[Page 75 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



Karlsbad, July 30, 1909. 

I tried to get along without my 
Sprudel this morning. Head began 
to howl and to quiet it had to get its 
Sprudel for it. After that it was as 
docile as a baby after getting its 
"Mother Winslow's." 

Here I was yesterday waiting to 
get my diploma and go home as a 
cured case. Guess I will have to get 
another "cure," or "Kur" as they 
call it here. 

I get up at four- thirty, which 
makes a long day — and nothing in 
the world to do. It doesn't suit me. 
It is cold out — cloudy, and looks 
like snow. Wonder where they will 
eat, such cold mornings? Perhaps 
they will go in the dining-room. It's 
colder in there than out of doors, 

Page 76] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

but they can take in a big stone or 
soapstone and lay it in the middle 
of the floor and build a fire on it and 
open the windows to let out the 
smoke. That's the only way to heat 
it. And this is an all-the-y ear-round 
hotel. What do they do in winter? 

Well, I went to breakfast at 10:30. 
There were two or three stragglers 
in the dining-room, but the veranda 
was the warmest, so I took the 
veranda — raincoat and hat on, as 
usual. They brought me a shawl or 
steamer-rug to wrap up in whilst I 
ate breakfast. That is the way they 
do. The hotel furnishes the rugs. 
But I did not take their fool rug. 
I'm not that cold. 

Did not the tailor laugh when I 
took my raincoat to him to have the 
lining repaired ? He wanted to know 

[Page 77 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

what I called it. I have two distinc- 
tions — I wear the only raincoat in 
Europe and I wear the only pair of 
" specks' ' in Europe. Mother said 
she saw a woman here with a pair of 
"specks." on, but she couldn't "show 
me." 

I will write again when my head 
feels better. It doesn't ache now — 
only sore from the morning ache. 



Page 78] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



Karlsbad, July 31, 1909. 

I have felt good today — yesterday 
I had a headache and felt bad all day. 
I charged it to my not having my 
Spriidel, but I have thought up some- 
thing else. I had an extra cup 
of tea and a "zweibach" at four- 
thirty the day before, and I suspect 
that was what knocked me out. I 
had forgotten it. When I was on the 
boat they would bring around a cup 
of broth at eleven o'clock and in the 
afternoon a cup of tea and a biscuit ; 
if I ate it, it prevented my supper 
digesting, and that might have been 
the trouble this time. 

I have not had the soured milk. 
They don't have it here — it is not 
on the diet list. I can get it, but not 
from any place under supervision, 

[Page 79 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

and the places where they have it 
are too dirty for me. 

I like soured milk — like it as a 
bonny-clabber, with sugar sprinkled 
over it, and to eat it as a breakfast 
food at night. 

I am tired of diet. I looked on the 
bill of fare today for the " Ambrosia 
of the gods' ' — that celebrated Amer- 
ican breakfast food, Pie — but there 
was nothing of the name. I did find 
"fruit tartlet/ ' That is as near as I 
could translate the " Dutch' ' of it, 
and they always say that a tart is 
as near as you can find to pie. In 
England they have tarts. They take 
a little piece of dough and spread it 
it out on a little dollar-sized pie-tin 
and dry it in the oven — they say they 
bake it. After it is reasonably well 
dried out they fill it with a spoonful 

Page 80] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



of Otto Kuehne's celebrated fruit 
jam — one of his Silver Leaf fruit 
products — made with a binder of 
first-class carpenter's glue. And that 
is what you get in England, if you 
must have pie. Well, I ordered my 
fruit tartlet here today — the water 
running out of both corners of my 
mouth while I was thinking of a 
nice pie, juicy and with short crisp 
crust for its outside edge. How it 
did fly, in my mind's eye, as I 
pointed my fork toward the place 
on the table where that big wedge- 
shaped piece of the aforesaid pie was 
going to rest. Then the . fruit tartlet 
appeared and my dream vanished. 
It was layer cake, (how I do hate 
cake!) with some dry tutti-frutti 
between the layers. I passed, and 
so passed another earthly glory. 

[Page 81 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

Ruth is still insisting that she is 
going to beat us all to the fried 
chicken and succotash. Now the 
water is running out of my mouth 
everywhere — not just a little stream 
drizzling out of the corners, but com- 
ing right. 

I had some " trinkwasser ' ' today. 
It was the first drink of real drinking- 
water I have had since I have been 
in this town, and it's mighty hard 
for an American to get along without 
a drink of water. I don't drink any 
water at home except at meal- time, 
but I do want it then. All I have had 
here has been some mineral water. At 
five in the morning I get Sprtidel, then 
I have to go to another spring — the 
Kaiserbrunner (Emperor Spring) — 
then at meal-time I get Billener 
water, and the last thing at night 

Page 82] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

two glasses of Felsenquelle water. 
Alternating, you see — first belly wash 
and then hogwash — from daylight 
until midnight ; but it has done me 
good. I think it is all off just as soon 
as I get out of sight of the town. I 
don't see what is to prevent me from 
going right back, for I can't stand it 
to take Spriidel all my life — I would 
not live that long. 

And I don't want to have to live 
on cold "schinken" always. I want 
something else than "schweinfleisch" 
and "kalt kalbsfleisch , ' and "zwei- 
bach" and fish and spinach. Four 
weeks of cold veal and cold hog-meat 
and "zweibach" and Spriidel is 
enough for me. 

But you say, "hold your base/' 
and I mind you. When you say, 
"thumbs up," up mine go, but I'll 

[Page 83 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

take a hand in this game myself 
some day. Then we'll see who is boss. 
I'll give you some Sprtidel and "kalt 
kalbsfleisch" for about a month for 
the reduction of that little citron- 
shaped belly of yours. Then we will 
see how you will hold your base! 

I knew, when I got that long cable 
the other day, that you were coming 
down with something. It had the 
symptoms, strong, of " scrivener's 
itch." It had not "broke out" yet, 
but I could see that it was in your 
blood and that you would soon 
" break out" with a letter. That 
writer's itch is uncontrollable — you 
can't keep it down. You have just 
got to get a pen and paper from 
somewhere and get it out of the 
system or it will "strike in " on you ; 
and you know what happens if it 

Page 84] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

doesn't "break out" or even if it 
starts to " break out" — in a cable, 
for instance — and then goes back in 
on you. Just get in a hot room, take 
your pen in hand, and let it flow. 



[Page 85 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 




If You Have Read Ceawfoed's "Witch of Prague" 
You Will Recognize the Jewish Cemetery with 
Stones Crowded in Some Places Not More Than 
Six Inches Apart. 



Prague, August 4, 1909. 

I knew it! I've been conscious for 

several weeks that it would happen. 

The expected always happens. I 

went into this perfectly beautiful 

Page 86] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

dining-room this evening and sat 
down with my hat on. Big as a king, 
twice as " sassy," and totally uncon- 
scious of it. Durn a fool anyway. 
What did they do? Oh, they all 
looked and saw it was another Amer- 
ican — they know before he gets in 
that he will break out somewhere. 
They expect something. There was 
nothing for me to do but back up my 
bluff and play the game out. 

I left Karlsbad this afternoon at 
two-thirty, or "J3 Uhr." Got here 
at six. 

In Karlsbad I would sometimes 
go two or three days without hearing 
an English word. Of course I could 
go to West End and be with the 
Americans, but I did not want to 
have to talk or visit. I could get 
along without it and I had a few 

[Page 87 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

German words — enough to get along 
with, so it just suited me. But here 
my German words don't go. They 
talk a different language entirely. 
They are Bohemians. 

This is tomorrow. 

And HAM! ! Lord! I thought 
Karlsbad was daffy on "schwein- 
fleisch." I did notice that it was 
all marked "Prager Schinken," but 
I did not know that hog-meat was 
the specialty of Prague ; but it cer- 
tainly is. 

And Jews! More Jews here than 
there were in Karlsbad, I believe, 
and I have seen whole families of 
them eat "schweinfleisch" too — eat 
it just like folks. What will it be in 
Vienna? — or Wien as I will have to 
call it when I start for there. Well, 
that looks easy. It will be Vienna 

Page 88] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

bread, or Vienna sausage, u wieny- 
wurst" ; and land sakes! if they have 
any more sausages than this town 
has — well, it will just have to be a 
bigger town, that's all, for this town 
has as much sausage as a town of 
this size will hold, and more kinds 
of sausage than you could dream 
about after eating sausage for supper. 

I never told you about the Jews 
in Karlsbad. I could not — too many 
of them ; nor about the fat women 
— too big a subject for a letter. 

My breakfast was brought to my 
room at eight o'clock. It was in my 
room ; it's in me now. 



[Page 89 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 




The Best and Almost the Only View of the Cathe- 
dral in Vienna. 



Wien, August 6, 1909. 

The Pragers and myself dissolved 

partnership at noon today. It was a 

good stop. I found that although 

they spoke Bohemian they could 



Page 90] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

speak German after a fashion. It 
wasn't a pure German such as I have 
been hearing and using, but after I 
got onto their brogue I could under- 
stand them. By lowering the quality 
of my German I could make it about 
"hoss and hoss. M 

It only took me about a minute to 
get that feather-bed out into the hall 
and an extra blanket in. 

You speak about the amount of 
rain w r e have run into on this trip. 
Now I will tell you the truth about 
that. One day at The Hague it 
rained. That is the only day that I 
have needed an umbrella since I 
left home. It has sprinkled on other 
days, but not enough to put up an 
umbrella if I had one with me. But 
I do believe that I missed some of 
the showers that the rest of the 

[Page 91 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

people got. In Oxford it rained, I 
believe, but I was sick and did not 
go out of the hotel. In London I 
would go out and do my "stunt" 
and come back and look after the 
children while the other people took 
a run around the block ; and they 
would get right into the rain. Just 
so it was wherever I have been. 
Every person that I have seen this 
year talked of the awful rain they 
had been into, and when I would get 
into that town it would quit. There 
was one woman who had been in one 
town for three weeks and had not 
been outside of the hotel a single day. 
She left the day I got in, without 
getting to see a thing in town, and 
of course it quit raining right then. 
At Karlsbad we had some sunshine 
the second week that I was there. 

Page 92] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

The rest of the time it was cloudy or 
raining — rain for an hour at night or 
rain in the middle of the day, but a 
dozen hours every day that it did 
not rain. But this is me. I see the 
sunshine. It is "brite and fare" for 
me. I am an optimistic cuss. I never 
see the fly in the ointment. 

Did you ever see the watch charm 
that I used to wear? Mademoiselle 
Landerer had it engraved and set for 
me. The legend she had on it was 
1 ' Sursum Cor. " " Lift up the heart" 
would be the translation. I lost it 
one night on Thirteenth street, while 
teaching Frances to run her new 
bicycle. 

Well, since having that "Sursum 
Cor" I have always looked on the 
"brite" side. If it rained I never saw 
it — I sidestepped. 

[Page 93 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

It does not seem to me that your 
letters are long in getting through — 
except one of July 14th that lost six 
days on account of the Kansas City 
flood. It took six days longer to get 
here than the one of July 18th. But 
then you had steam up that Sunday, 
and the momentum you gave it 
carried it half-way here before the 
ship picked it up to bring it the rest 
of the way. 

Now see, I don't kick. I see the 
"brite and fare" — it is the "sursum 
cor" of it. 

I wish I had a drink of beer. I 
have not had a taste — except that 
one tablespoonful that Mother gave 
me out of her mug. That is all that 
I have had since the Fourth of July* 
and still I'm " brite and fare." 



Page 94] 




Our Hotel, Facing the Basin of Saint Mark. The 
Hotel Royal Danielli. 



[Page 95 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



Venice, August 14, 1909. 

I will stay here until the middle 
of next week, then go to Switzerland, 
then to Paris and London and home. 

The later letters show that I am 
to stay over here — anywhere — until 
your letter comes. I thought that 
you meant me to stop in Karlsbad. 
It sure did me good — and plenty. I 
was better there than here — the diet 
was more suitable to the crime. I 
have to eat indigestible things at the 
hotels. 

I have no sign of my hay-fever. 
Gertrude had some at Florence. 
However, it is not the eighteenth, 
though mine has been coming on 
earlier in the year — the twelfth or 
thirteenth or sixteenth. I may get it 
when I leave here and get into the 

Page 96] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

interior of the country — to Milan. 
But I will not stop except over-night. 
It is not customary to travel at night 



A Garden on the Grand Canal. — Venice. 

in Europe. On certain railroads they 
do have " wagon-lits' ' — that is, 



[Page 97 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

wagons with beds; but did you ever 
see one? If not, go down to the 
station some day and see a fast stock 
train go through when it is behind 
time and has lost its right of way. 
Go along the train until you come to 
the car marked, " Palace Horse Car." 
That's it — only the horses have a 
man to go along as an attendant, to 
bed them down and give them a 
drink of " trinkwasser ' ' every four 
hundred miles ; but human beings 
on a railroad in Europe don't get 
such good care. But you don't expect 
it, for those horses are high-priced 
race-horses. 

It is nice and warm here — like 
Mademoiselle Landerer used to say 
about Mrs. Bow and Mrs. Nod — 
they are always so w r ell satisfied. She 
said that when these two women get 

Page 98] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

to hell, one will say to the other, 
"Sister dear, how nice and warm it 
is here." 




Doges' Palace, from the Front of our Hotel 
Danielli. 



It is not uncomfortable here, but 
the folks said it was hot in Florence. 
I have been comfortable everywhere. 



[Page 99 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

I am going to let ■ ' you fellers ' ' into 
a dark secret. This old man of yours 
has been " cured.' ' He has had the 
Karlsbad "Kur." Now for the 
secret : this ' ' cure ' ' is only skin-deep. 

The folks say that I am as cross 
as a bear. Mother said yesterday 
that she would go and jump into the 
canal. I showed her how dirty it 
was; it stinks. Today she said she 
would go out and jump into the sea. 

But I am not only cross. I've got 
the rheumatism in my sacrococcygeal 
articulation and my feet are sore in 
the bottoms from walking so much.- 
I can't sit down and I can't stand 
up ; and you can tell Kiene to whet 
up the knife on the sole of his boot 
and give it back to you. 

I u aint no good," and you would 
better not spend any more money 

Page 100] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



on me, but bring me back and put 
me in the old men's "Ingals-hide." 
I am so thirsty for a drink of ice- 
water and I can't have it ; and I 
sure want a schooner of beer and I 
want it quick ; and I want a drink of 
real "bug-juice" or "scorpion- 
juice" ; and I'm so durned hungry 
that I w^ant a meal of "vittles" in- 
stead of diet. And I think it is time 
for you to get another pard. 
(Signed) Sunny Jim, 

The morning after. 



[Page 101 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 




A Dull Day on the Grand Canal. 

Venice, August 15, 1909. 

I sure must have been having one 
of my days yesterday, but today it 
is ."brite and fare." 

The temperature is 83 to 86. The 



Page 102] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

sun is hot, but the shade is not bad. 
How has the weather been in Kan- 
sas? Has it been a cool summer? I 
hope not, for the corn does not grow 
if the weather is too cool, and as 
long as a person does not have to 
stay there it is better to have the 
thermometer go up to about an aver- 
age of 102 or 1 08. You have spoken 
of the thermometer going up to 86 
and 92 — that is delightful. 

Hello! you summer-resorters in 
Topeka ! Go and have a hot soda on 
me, and some chili concarne and also 
a hot tomale — ask them to put garlic 
in the chili. 

One beauty at Karlsbad was that 
there was not a pepper in the town, 
not an onion, nary garlic — all for- 
bidden. You couldn't get a sprinkle 
of pepper for anything, very little 

[Page 103 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

salt, and absolutely no seasoning of 
any kind. It made the meals rather 
tasteless, but they did not stimulate 



, ft 

IMP * 




The Campanile in Venice is Being Rebuilt. 

a man's appetite and get him to eat 
more than he could digest. 

We have had fish of all kinds — at 



Page 10$ 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



Montreal, on the boat, in England, 
and in Holland. They were sea fish 
principally, but at Karlsbad they 
were from the fresh water. They 
were too far from the sea to get them 
good, but they had dandy fresh- 
water fish — trout, or almost any 
kind. Here we are back to the sea 
fish again. No oysters, of course. In 
fact, the authorities post warnings 
against the use of oysters. There is 
only one place where oysters can be 
'had — along the east coast of the 
United States. 

This is Sunday, and everything is 
nailed up tight in this town. I 
walked out with Helen and Gertrude 
this morning and went to the Victoria 
Hotel, where we stopped before, and 
also over some of the old haunts we 
used to visit at that time — 1902. 

\Page 105 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

Helen could not find the way. She 
only made one wrong turn, but I was 
the Moses and led her to it. When I 
led her to the Winding Stairway she 
said I was a wonder. This winding 







M 



Entrance to the Grand Canal. 

stairway is quite a beauty, and not 
one tourist in ten thousand ever sees 
it, on account of its being hidden 
away from the line of streets and 
canals. 

I am feeling bully today. Tell 



Page 106] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

Kiene not to give the knife up to you 
— just hold on to it till I get there. 
We may not get any mail now 
until we get to Paris, August 23rd, 
as we would hardly expect another 
mail here before Wednesday, and we 
will leave here either Tuesday or 
Wednesday, stop at Lausanne and 
Geneva, then on to Paris. 

(Signed) Sunny Jim, 

In the sunshine. 



[Page 101 




The Prison of Chillox. 



Page 108] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



Geneva, August 22, 1909. 
What would you do if someone 
would send you a newspaper all sum- 
mer and would first take a pair of 
scissors and cut out every doggoned 
scrap of baseball news and everything 
else that a "feller" is interested in ; 
and not send you "nothin" of 
that paper all summer but the price 
of extra fresh eggs, ranch eggs, 
stock eggs, cooking eggs, and baker's 
eggs, hides and pelts, and the price 
Billard pays for wheat? Billard al- 
ways pays 80 cts. for wheat, whether 
it is worth 160 cts. or 35 cts. He does 
the fair thing ; he tries to set an 
average price, — but that is not news. 
I have known that for some forty 
years. There is the price of chickens, 
but I am only interested in pullets. 

[Page 109 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



There is the price of turkeys, rabbits, 
and geese — not a word about gos- 
lings, and you know I've always been 
interested in goslings since I heard 
the story of the old man who came 




My Idea of the Prettiest Home in Europe, on an 
Island in Lake Geneva. 



home and, while still under the " in- 
fluence/ ' vomited in the basket of 
little goslings. He watched them for 
a little while and then said, "Wife, 
when'd I eat them things ?" There 



Page 110] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

is not a word of whether the drug 
stores sell " booze' ' or where you do 
get it — maybe you go around like 
I have done for the past six weeks, 
with my tongue hanging out. In 
a case of this kind isn't it about time 
to get another pokeberry and squeeze 
it? Say! 

Mother expects to start for Paris 
tomorrow noon, and I will probably 
tag along. She is anxious to get there 
and look in the windows and gal- 
leries. I would rather look at lake 
and sky and mountains than at 
pictures of lake and sky and moun- 
tains. 

It was no mistake to go to Karls- 
bad. I have forgotten what a head- 
ache is like, have no chills and no 
leg-ache, and sleep all night. Have 
some backache, but that is because 

[Page 111 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



I am weak. I am thin and my feet 
still hurt. A loss of three pounds cuts 
a man down. 

I am still cross — cross as a bear 
with a sore head, but that's natural. 
Mother can't get a divorce on that 
ground, for I can prove that that was 
what she married and she has got 
to stand it. See? 



Page 112] 




Doctor is Pleased to Find His Favorite Publica- 
tion, The Ladies' Home Journal, on Lake Ge- 
neva. 

Near this point, at Teritet, Elizabeth, the Empress of 
Austria, was assassinated in 1898. 



[Page 113 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



Paris, August 24, 1909. 

Say, fellers — I know what a head- 
ache is! 

Here we are getting along toward 
home. I turned at Vienna — or Wien, 
or any way they want to spell it. 
People who live there hardly know 
what a ' ' feller ' ' is talking about when 
he talks of Vienna. I suppose it is 
as if somebody dropped into Topeka 
and said: "This is Timbuctoo," or 
"This is Topolobampo." We would 
just throw him off the Melan bridge. 

The folks are out "doing" Paris. 
I have been in the hotel feeling pretty 
bully, but not extra pretty bully. 

I wrote the other day that I did 
not know what a headache was like. 
I forgot to knock on wood — or you 
forgot to — for along about two 

Page 11 4} 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

o'clock that night I found out, and 
by four o'clock I did not know what 
a headache was or what anything 
was, and it is taking me two days to 
get over it. 

We came to Paris from Geneva 
yesterday. It was a long trip for a 
sick man. Helen and Gertrude 
wanted to wait until I got over it, 
but we did not put it to a vote. You 
know I am always "for" a proposi- 
tion, I am " Sunny Jim" and I al- 
ways vote in the affirmative. I 
might have stayed over a day and 
let the folks go on. 

I forget sometimes that I am 
" Sunny Jim" and I have to keep 
smiling, and occasionally I have to 
stop and look myself straight in the 
eye and say, " Smile, damn you, 
smile." 

[Page 115 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

Your letters had baseball news for 
the millions. That is enough. Let 
me know when Topeka bumps on the 
cellar floor. 

We will go to London next week — 
31st, probably — then go to Holyhead 
and take the steamer there for New 
York. If the weather looks bad the 
day before, I would rather go to 
Liverpool and get on the vessel while 
it is safe in the river, tied up to the 
dock. 

Guess I will write more when I 
feel better. I will be home the twen- 
tieth. 

Vienna did not strike me as being 
much except a big town full of 
cement and stone houses — all five 
stories high. I asked why they did 
not build some higher or lower. They 
said they could rent five stories — 

Page 116] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

that people would climb that many 
stairs — so why not build five stories ? 
The law won't let them build six 
stories, so that settles that, and people 
don't like to climb more than five 
flights of stairs. They get tired at 
that height. You say, "Put in an 
elevator." Now you are talking like 
an American. They do have "lifts" 
here, but they are like Ingalls's good 
Democrats. He believed that there 
were good Democrats — not many — 
a few — now and then one. Now and 
then there is one "lift." A lift is a 
dumb-waiter big enough to carry a 
person, so it is alleged, but people 
don't put them to the actual test. 
The streets in Vienna were all 
alike. The parks were just dandy. 
Every plant in the park was in full 
bloom and every plant in the park is 

[Page 117 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

in full bloom all spring, summer and 
fall, until frost gets "them. The an- 
swer : Every Monday morning every 
plant in the city is dug up and thrown 
away and a new one just coming 
into full bloom takes its place. Every 
lamp-post in the town has a flower 
garden on it about ten feet from the 
ground, and they are changed 
oftener. The mayor does the lamp- 
post gardening at his own personal 
expense and the park gardening is 
done by the Austrian Government. 
Immense greenhouses supply the 
plants. I went into one — acres and 
acres of it. There is a big "Zoo" — 
all kinds of animals, monkeys and 
monkey-houses — it would be a fes- 
tival for Caruso. 

The Beautiful Blue Danube flows 
through the town. It gets out of its 

Page 118] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

banks once in awhile and gives them 
a taste of North Topeka life at flood- 
time. 

The hotel people in Vienna did 
certainly lay themselves out to take 
care of me. They said that the Hotel 
Post, Karlsbad, had written them 
that I was coming and told them to 
do me good — but not plenty. So I 
had the best at moderate rates. 

Your letter was good and to the 
point, but I can't go through Siberia 
and Japan to Topeka. I just am not 
able to travel. I don't get much out 
of travel this time. 



[Page 119 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



Paris, August 25, 1909. 

I am feeling fine today — about like 
Harriman did and said when he 
landed in New York yesterday. But 
I notice that he fell down the gang- 
plank, so he wasn't feeling so bully 
after all. But I am pretty bully now. 
My sick spell of yesterday and day 
before is all gone now and I will go 
out for my constitutional. 

Harriman only got a skin-deep 
"cure." My "cure" is more than 
skin-deep, but it doesn't quite go to 
the bone. 



Page 120] 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 



London, September i, 1909. 

I got the draft and had it cashed. 
Glad to get it. The fact that you 
sent this draft makes me think that 
you are willing to pay my passage 
home — not like me with a certain 
gentleman : I helped him to Alaska, 
but I had nothing to help him home 
with. He wasn't worth sending away. 
You could not have kept me out, as 
I had ten pounds and could have 
gone home " steerage, " and it's only 
a short walk from New York to 
Topeka for a "cured" man. 

My "cure" is holding on, too. I 
am not so "skeered" as I was. 

It is horrible to be away from home, 
but I am standing it. But I do wish 
I was home where everything would 



[Page 121 



A Kansas Surgeon in Karlsbad 

be comfortable and I could get into 
regular habits. That would help. 

We leave here Saturday noon — 
special train to Holyhead, where we 
join the boat from Liverpool. 



Page 122] 



DEC 



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